Real men don’t make their dates pay. I had a popular friend who at the beginning of the semester would run the rounds of available females, take them out, ‘forget’ his wallet, and have his date pay for the multiple entrées. As self-focused as that story seems, frankly many guys are tallying up a much larger bill, and expecting the girls to pick up the tab.
Real men don’t make their dates pay physically. A Christian man who will stand up and protect his sister in Christ is a rare warrior (I Tm 5:2). God created men to protect and cherish women (I Peter 3:1-8). At lunch my two-year old told me while raising his plastic sword to the air, “Daddy, I hope our new baby is a sister, so we can protect her.” How are/will you protect the King’s daughter that He has placed into your care? Someday, the King will ask you, how you treated His daughter.
Many guys have adopted the view that because I have committed to a relationship there needs to be a down payment of the girl’s seriousness, and this contract is often paid physically. In reality if this is how you view your lady, you have made her into a prostitute, someone who is willing to accept payment for services. If you want a true lady, you have to treat her like one, and biblically it is the man’s job to protect her physically (Eph 5:29).
Real men don’t make their dates pay emotionally. The emotional drains in a woman’s life are many, therefore, she is looking for the stability and strength of her man. Don’t make your girlfriend pay the exorbitant emotional price of guessing where the relationship is at or going. This will take wisdom. You probably do not wish to sit her down on the first date and delineate the next fifty years of your life together…. Truthfully that freaks normal people out, but you should shoulder the burden of knowing where the relationship is going. Christ makes it very clear where we stand as believers and where we are going (I John 3:1-3). How can you lead if you do not know where you are going?
Far too many men fear rejection, so they sort of ease into a relationship without much commitment. Don’t pawn off your lack of manhood on your girl. Women need real men, who are not afraid to stand up and take the weight of the relationship rejection and all. If you want to have a nagging, controlling wife, you may as well start training in your relationship by expecting the girl to plan the date, tell you what she wants, and explain where she expects the relationship to go…. But if you want a woman that will stand by your side waving your colors as you slay the dragon and defeat every foe, show her you are capable of winning the little battles. Show her you are willing to suffer small inconveniences, because after all, if you are not willing to prove yourself on an $11.49 entrée, why on earth would she give you her heart? Step up and be the man, she hopes you will be.
Don’t expect her to pay for all of your emotional needs. It is exhilarating to by confirmed and noticed by your girl, but realize your girl does not exist so you can have your ‘needs’ met. Love is the giving of our entire selves to someone with or without restoration. That expression of love was made rather clear by the Savior, “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
Men often expect the girl to pick up the tip emotionally in so many ways. Many men tax the relationship by expecting the girl to be a go-between for the parents or make the women cover or explain your actions to others. This is especially true at the beginning before the man talks to the father. They tax the relationship by non-commitment, or waiting for the girl to bring up hard topics of conversation. The greatest part about taking the lead emotionally, is that is begins to show you truly care about her needs, and that in turn builds an immense amount of trust, which makes it easier to lead, which builds more trust, which makes it easier to lead….
Real men don’t make their dates pay spiritually. This doesn’t mean that your pickup line is, “Hey, wanna study the Bible with me?” If following you causes your girl to get further away from her Savior, you are Satan to her. The only perfect husband she will ever have is Christ. Your job as spiritual leader in training is to support her in her spiritual growth by paving the road to Calvary through sharing and living Scripture (Eph 5:26). You must also realize that you do not have the resources in yourself to pay for her true needs. We violate the first commandment of having, “No other gods before God” when we expect created beings to fill a Creator sized hole.
Real men count the cost of a relationship and are willing to pay for it. How much does a relationship cost? Young men should be answering what it is that you are asking the woman to give you? As men, we are asking to be the guardian of their hearts. If you are constantly expecting her to foot the bill physically, emotionally, or spiritually, a smart woman is going to realize you are not qualified to take care of her heart because the truth is, you are too expensive.